Hang In There, Baby
by dancergirl1013
Summary: A teenage Charlie watches all of Teddy's video diaries, hoping they'll help her get through a rough time.


"Hey Charlie!" Fifteen-year-old Charlie Duncan sat on the couch in her family's living room as her older sister, Teddy, walked through the front door.

"Teddy!" said Charlie, surprised. "I thought you weren't going to be here until six." The teenager grabbed the TV remote and hit the pause button.

"I got off of work earlier than I expected," explained Teddy. "I figured I'd come see if mom needed help with dinner."

"Mom's actually not home yet. She had to pick Toby up from baseball practice."

"Oh, ok." Teddy smiled as she sat down next to her sister. "So, what are you up to?"

"Actually, I've been watching all those video diaries you made for me when I was little." She pointed to the TV where, sure enough, one of Teddy's old video diaries was displayed on the screen.

"Oh yeah?" Teddy was shocked. The smile on her face broadened as she said, "I thought you thought they were stupid. In fact, didn't you call them a waste of time?"

Charlie chuckled. "I changed my mind."

"Why?"

"I've just been feeling stressed lately, I guess." Charlie shrugged. "I thought it might be good for me to see all of the chaos this family has seen in the past. I thought maybe it would make me feel better. Plus, I figured, 'You know, Teddy's pretty smart. Her advice might not be horrible'," she teased.

"Stress? You're fifteen!" said Teddy incredulously. "What could you possibly be so stressed about?"

"Aside from school, and grades, and homework, and practically everything else in the world?" said Charlie dryly, the slightest hint of a smirk on her face.

"I see," said Teddy, sighing. "Well, do you? Feel better, that is, after watching the videos?"

"I guess." Charlie shrugged. "Maybe a little bit." Then she sighed. "I mean, our family's been through a lot," she paused, "But I knew there wouldn't be anything in the videos about my specific, um, my specific situation."

"Are you in some kind of trouble, Charlie?" Teddy asked, growing concerned.

"No, no it's nothing _bad_," said Charlie. "Look Teddy, I really don't feel like talking about this right now." Then she grabbed the TV remote again and changed the channel, flipping through the stations until she found her favorite crime drama.

Teddy, trying not to be too pushy, said, "Well, you can tell me anything. So, if you ever want to talk, I'm here." She sat there for a minute hoping for a response but Charlie showed no signs of speaking.

Teddy was just about to get up when Charlie said, "Wait! I _do _want to talk about it." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I just don't know how." Just then, the front door opened and Amy and Toby walked in.

"Teddy!" exclaimed Toby. He ran up to his eldest sister and hugged her.

"Hey Kiddo!" Teddy looked at Charlie over Toby's shoulder and mouthed the words 'we'll talk later'.

Charlie, annoyed, stood up from her place on the couch and made her way to her room while Toby proceeded to talk to Teddy like he hadn't seen her in years. Usually she came over once a week for dinner, but she couldn't make it the last two weeks. _But still, it had only been two weeks, _thought Charlie, _that's not that long. _The teenage girl flopped down on her bed and buried her face in a pillow. She had absolutely no clue what she was going to do. Why did she have to tell Teddy that she wanted to talk? It wasn't a lie, she _did _want to talk, but when she said that she didn't know how to, that wasn't a lie either. She was just feeling so trapped. She didn't know what to do. She sighed. She _never _knows what to do.

She didn't know how long she had been there, but before she knew it there was a knock on her bedroom door. Thinking it was Teddy she quickly sat up and tried to act cool. "Come in," she called.

Much to Charlie's surprise, and relief, it was her mother who stood behind the door. "It's time for dinner," said Amy. Noticing the frazzled look on her daughter's face, she then asked, "Are you okay? You look upset."

"I'm fine." Charlie mustered a fake smile and followed her mother to the kitchen. She was quiet as she ate her meal of roasted chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes. She did her best to tune out her family's conversations so she could think about what she was going to tell Teddy. She soon discovered, however, that just the thought of telling anyone what was on her mind was enough to make her nauseous. It was an odd mix of emotions she was feeling, almost indescribable. There was definitely a fair amount of nervousness in there. And fear, yes that too was definitely there. But there was something else, something Charlie couldn't exactly pinpoint. It almost felt like excitement. Yeah, that's what it was. She was _excited _to tell someone, to be able to talk about it with someone other than herself. She never realized just how lonely she was, dealing with it all by herself. She wanted someone else to know, and that's what scared her the most.

All of a sudden, Charlie was overcome by a huge wave of these varied emotions. Overwhelmed, and feeling as though she might vomit, she excused herself from the table and quickly went back up to her room. She was followed soon after by a very worried Teddy. "Are you okay?" asked Teddy, unsure what was going on. She hadn't realized just how upset her sister was. "You've been acting weird all night."

"I'm fine," lied Charlie. Then, taking a deep breath, she reluctantly said, "No, no I'm not. To be honest I'm kind of freaking out." She tried her best to muster a chuckle but all that came out was an abrupt, choked noise.

Sitting down next to her sister, Teddy said, "What's going on, Charlie?" She sounded somewhat hurt. "I wish you would just talk to me." She placed her hand on the teenager's knee in an effort to comfort her.

"It's not that simple," said Charlie. "I-I've never talked to anyone about this before."

"I just don't understand what the big deal is. Trust me, Charlie, in this family, I've seen it all. I mean, you've seen the video diaries, the Duncan's get in more trouble than anyone could ever imagine."

"I know," said Charlie. "This is just…different. Like I said earlier, this is probably the only thing that hasn't happened to our family yet."

"Well, I'm sure we can get through it. No matter what it is, I'm always here for you and-"

"Teddy, I'm gay," Charlie interrupted, unable to hold it in any longer. Speechless, Teddy stared at her sister, comprehending what she'd just heard. Trying to calm herself, Charlie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Say something, _she thought. _Say something, Teddy. Please. _When she reopened her eyes, Teddy was still staring. Tears started to form in Charlie's eyes. When Teddy noticed this she embraced her sister in a hug.

When she pulled away, Teddy looked into Charlie's eyes and said, "Look, Charlie, you're my sister. I love you, okay? Nothing can change that. I'm sorry if I scared you. I was just shocked, that's all. I didn't know what to say."

"So-so you're okay with it?" Still crying, Charlie was finding it hard to get the words out.

"Of course I am." Teddy smiled, and so did Charlie. "I'm so glad you told me. I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks," said Charlie. "You have no idea how hard it is for me to tell you. I was sure no one would understand."

"What's not to understand?" asked Teddy. "You like girls. It's as simple as that."

"Well, I just thought that people would try to tell me that it was wrong or that it was a choice and that I could choose to like guys, but I can't, Teddy. I've tried but I can't. I didn't choose this. It's just who I am." Charlie burst out in a flood of tears.

Teddy quickly wrapped her sister in another hug. "Shh," she whispered comfortingly in Charlie's ear. "I know." She pulled back briefly to look Charlie in the eyes as she said, "You're right. This is who you are. It's a part of what makes you Charlie Duncan, a smart, beautiful, special girl- a girl I'm proud to call my sister. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you." Wrapping her arms back around Charlie, she said, "I mean that."

The two stayed there in each other's arms for several minutes before Charlie pulled away and wiped the tears from her face. She then stood up and started pacing back and forth, a smile slowly spreading across her lips. "What?" asked Teddy, wondering what was going through the teenager's head.

"I can't believe it." She stopped pacing and looked at her sister. "I did it. I came out to someone." She chuckled. "Wow, I actually have a coming out story now."

Teddy laughed, "It's nice to see you happy again."

"Yeah, well, I'd be a lot happier if my body would stop shaking," Charlie said sarcastically, still feeling the lingering bits of nervousness that hadn't yet left her. "But I _am _happy…and relieved. Mostly relieved to be honest." She sat back down in her bed next to Teddy. They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither girl knowing what to say next.

"Can-can I ask you a question?" Teddy asked hesitantly. "You can say no," she added quickly. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Sure," answered Charlie. "You can ask me anything."

"How long have you known?"

"I think I've always known in a weird subconscious way. For as long as I can remember I've felt differently towards girls than I have towards boys. I never knew what those feelings meant until recently though," explained Charlie.

"What do you mean by 'differently'?" asked Teddy, not fully understanding what her sister meant.

Charlie paused for a moment, not sure where to begin, before she said, "When I was younger-like maybe eight or nine years old, maybe even younger, I'm not sure- I wished I was a boy so I could date girls. I always saw guys kissing and dating girls on TV, and everywhere around me, and I would get so jealous of them. _I _wanted to be those guys. _I _wanted to kiss girls. I wanted to _love _a girl. I remember thinking to myself, 'I wish I was a boy so I could love girls. It would be so much easier than loving a boy.' I didn't know about homosexuality back then. I didn't know that there were girls out there that dated girls and boys that dated boys. All I knew was that I was a girl and girls dated boys. And I didn't like that, Teddy, I didn't like that at all." All of a sudden Charlie was overcome by a wave of emotion.

Choking back the tears she started to continue her story but was interrupted by Teddy. "It's okay, Charlie," she said, holding back tears of her own. "You don't have to continue if you don't want to."

"No," said Charlie, shaking her head and wiping the tears from her eyes, "No, I _want _to. It's just difficult. I've never said any of this out loud before. I never thought I'd actually tell someone. This is all so unreal for me, you know?"

Teddy smiled but her eyes were full of sadness, knowing she'd never truly understand what her sister was going through. "No," she shook her head. "I _don't_ know. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now."

"So, anyway, even though I've always preferred girls, I never made the connection that I was gay. Not until this past year, at least. To be honest, I pushed all of those thoughts about girls out of my mind for a few years and kind of forgot about it. Then my friends all started talking about boys- some of them even started dating- and I was just never interested. I didn't understand what they meant when they said that they thought someone was 'hot' or 'cute'. I figured that I was just a late bloomer, so to speak, and that I would eventually understand what they were talking about when they talked about crushes and stuff. I was so focused on trying to like guys, like I thought I was supposed to, that I didn't realize that everything my friends were feeling, I was feeling too. Except, I was feeling it about girls instead of boys. And when I did start to realize this, it scared me. It scared me so much but it wasn't something I could avoid anymore. I couldn't push it out of my mind anymore. So, that became all I ever thought about. I was constantly re-evaluating my whole life, trying to figure myself out. Eventually, about six months ago, I came to fully understand that I _am _gay and now, well, now I'm here," Charlie gestured to her surroundings, "Having this conversation. Does that answer your question?" she asked.

"Uh…yeah," said Teddy slowly, still processing everything she'd just heard. "Yeah, I think it does."

"Good," said Charlie, smiling, "'Cause I don't think there's much else I can say." The girls laughed, easing the heavy mood of the conversation. "Can I ask _you _a question? A favor, actually?" Charlie said more seriously.

"Of course you can." Teddy nodded.

"Don't tell anyone. I-I'm not ready."

"I promise. And when you are ready, you can count on me to be right there by your side, if you want, that is."

"Thanks, Teddy." Charlie smiled. "You know, I read a lot of things online and everyone always says, 'it gets better.' I'm finally starting to feel like it actually does get better."

"Of course it does." Teddy pulled her sister in for a hug once again. "You just have to hang in there, baby."


End file.
